Wednesday, November 29, 2006

 

Why Feeling Bad can be a Good Thing Sometimes

Some time ago I read a book called "Why Feeling Bad is Good". I can't remember the name of the author and the book is always on loan to one or other of my friends, but it made a huge impression on me at the time of reading and I still use some of the principles it suggests to this day so I just wanted to share a little of it.

Basically the book describes some of the stuff that influences us as we are growing up, particularly looking at our relationships with our parents (mothers/daughters mostly - sorry guys).

The overall premise of the book is that we find it difficult to break free of the influences that we experienced growing up. Therefore if our parents were not too good at dealing with conflicts / encouraging us to move forward and make changes in our lives where necessary, to help us to deal with the negatives, then we will not be too good at moving forward and we won't like change to the extent where we prefer to be stuck in a negative but familiar situation.

This is where the Feeling Bad is Good bit comes in. The book suggests that if we are open minded about our emotions, feeling bad, even slightly depressed, can be a good thing because it wakes us up to the fact that we need to make some changes in our lifestyle.

The book is clear that feeling bad is only good if we are prepared to make those changes. Use the bad feelings as a catalyst for examining your current lifestyle, exploring what it is that is causing the negative emotions and then taking some positive action to overcome these.

Taking this approach can in turn help you not to allow these feelings to become so bad that they have begin to affect your ability to function in your everyday life.

I have used this premise to prevent myself from becoming too stuck in a rut ever - something which has always caused me severe bad feelings. Now, if I begin to feel worn down by everyday life / work issues, I take a few hours to allow myself to think through what exactly is causing the problem and then plan what actions I can take to reduce the distress it is causing me.

Its important here to have short term actions that you can start taking immediately to help alleviate some of the distress from the situation. For example you may feel, (as I once did) that you simply cannot work in your current situation any longer. Finding a new job takes time for most of us, so how can you alleviate some fo the stress / distress whilst you are waiting for the right new job to come along?

For me it was being able to talk this situation through with both my husband and my immediate supervisor which led to a plan. Each day I followed the initial steps which were simple enough and worked slowly towards my ultimate goal. Simply being able to talk through and acknowledge my problem within that job at the time, enabled me to feel lighter and having a plan, enabled me to work through each day far more effectively, and deal with the stressors as they arose. It also helped me to recognise that the problem was not all mine, which in turn made me determined that I would not simply take any other job which came along and perhaps find myself soon to be in the same boat.

I always believed that this weas one of the reasons my husband and I moved homes and jobs so many times since we were married.. This book and its philosophy helped me to realise how important it is to face our fears and take control of our lives. Its not easy, but it is possible and it DOES make a huge difference.

Change doesn't have to be as frightening as most of us humans always seem to find it. Remeber, a little anxiety here and there keeps us on our toes. A little change here and there keeps us fresh and alert, fresh thinking people are better able to cope with everyday trials and tribulations than tired, downtrodden ones....

So although everyday doesn't feel as good, or go as planned - I have to say thank you over and over to the author whose name I can't remember!

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